I love how he gave this bit at an autism benefit because it is also a heavy Autism Mood™
This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen.
TRANSCRIPT:
JOHN MULANEY: I normally don’t notice people. I zone out constantly. Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014.
AUDEINCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I just – all day long, I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I can zone out anywhere – I was at the doctor’s office, he was reading me the results of a blood test, it was important I listened, and I zoned out! I was like, “nah, I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts”.
AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS
MULANEY: I was like, “huh. None of the Beatles had moustaches… but then one day, all of them had moustaches.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that”. Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much – they want me to focus, and they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it. This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS –
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen! If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet with your elbow on your knee while kind of looking at your phone, I’d be the Dalai Lama.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight. So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocre at best!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I mean, it’s fine. Let’s all try right now – let’s all be in the moment, in silence, right now. [A HALF-SECOND PAUSE] Sucked, right? Not fun at all!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: That was boring! You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theatre in your brain that plays fake arguments that you win.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about something for twenty, twenty-five minutes, and all of a sudden you’re like “oh my god, I’m driving!” and you remember? You’re like –
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “I’m going seventy-five miles an hour! I have been for a while! I could’ve changed so many lives!” Sometimes, my wife – I have this wife – she’ll be like, “are you watching the road?” and I’m always like, “I am looking through the windshield.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “And I’m not gonna hit anyone, but no. I’m thinking about the Beatles.”
Hey @vulpeculavolans added a transcript to this AND THAT IS SO AWESOME THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Kill the idea that naivety is an unforgivable flaw but cynicism is just wisdom, murder it, chop it up and serve it for dinner, I don’t care, just end this bullshit idea that it’s better to hate than to love and better to rot in miserable bitter resignation than to hope for the best.
as a former pageant kid the amount of emotional abuse i went through because of my mother always pushing me to be beautiful and then blaming me and hating me when i didnt win was fucked up. being a pageant kid gave me an eating disorder and has seriously fucked with my self esteem. don’t put your kids through this. don’t let your 5 year old be objectified by others and yourself.
im not saying “dont vote”, im saying “dont expect voting to save us”.
if hillary had won we would be in a better position now, comparatively, but would still be killing masses of ppl overseas, still deporting ppl and putting children in cages, still allowing corporations to ruin this planet, because the people benefitting from those policies are the same ppl funding the Democrats’ campaigns. and most liberals would be telling leftists talking about it to shut up and wait until after the next election, because the priority would be on making sure the Democrats win, cause of course the Republican candidate would still be way worse. voting is damage control, and im doing it, and i think you all should do it, but it’s not the only or even the main thing “the resistance” should be doing. it’s the only thing liberals tweet about because it’s the thing that directly benefits large portions of the ruling class, who also control most of the media and school systems where ppl get their info about politics. it’s playing a rigged game and acting like ppl who say they dont want to put all their faith in said rigged game are just utopian idiots who don’t see the big picture because they only want to vote for “morally pure” candidates🙄
we gotta vote and do direct action. we gotta join unions and organize strikes. we gotta create mutual aid networks. we gotta mobilize and start trying to produce the commodities necessary for life in our own communities (community gardens/permaculture lots for those lucky enough to own some land are a good place to start, as is learning about how to sew and make clothes, maybe some ideas on how to make bootleg medications and accommodations for our disabled comrades, etc). we gotta come up with more creative ways to protest that meaningfully shut down portions of society until our demands are met. we gotta make this country hostile to imperialist, racist Democrats as well as imperialist, racist Republicans.
“The skillful tactician may be likened to the shuai-jan. Now the shuai-jan is a snake that is found in the Ch’ang mountains. Strike at its head, and you will be attacked by its tail; strike at its tail, and you will be attacked by its head; strike at its middle, and you will be attacked by head and tail both.” -Sun Tzu, The Art of War
i love that we and cats share pareidolia (seeing patterns where they dont exist), but instead of seeing faces in everyday objects like us, they see snakes
that computer cord? snake. string? small snake. cucumber? short fat straight snake
snake pareidolia is one of the strongest things in human minds too! people report freezing mid-stride before being consciously aware of a snake in front of them, and the same happens with coiled rope, etc. in humans and other primates. it’s even been proposed that the need to detect snakes was a factor in the development of primates’ insanely good color eyesight
It’s because snakes are wonderful and we must stop and admire them at any cost
sky's stuff 