softcoresuffering:

I Love My Legal Professor: A List of Quotes

“Union Pacific Ass, that’s right.” ~ Regarding abbreviations.

“I don’t know how to abbreviate commission…. I don’t know how to abbreviate committee….. I don’t know the right answer.”
“When I did this test in school I got a zero.  It sucked.” ~ Both regarding the extra credit citation quiz we just did, which he made extra credit because “it sucks”

“This is a five week course.  I will never let you guys out of class early.  If we are going to get through the material, we need every hour we have.” ~ Said the first day.  Then he let us out early, because it was the first day.  Other reasons he has let us out early include; it’s the weekend, it’s a holiday, it’s homecoming, he’s a push over, etc.

“Now I’m gonna get off my little soap box…. actually I’m gonna get back on it a little bit.”

“I just wanna take you through a quick- uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hop through the daisies here.” ~ As he leads us through the ICLE website.

“I don’t know it that’s legal, but you guys can use my password.” A student mentions he should probably check if it’s legal. “Whatever.” 

“I had a decision to make.  Go to the bar, or go to class.  Obviously, I’m here.”

“If you do something stupid like run over a family of eighteen children,” ~ legal liability example

“So I leave my buddy out there in the car to sleep it off.  I wake up the next day and he’s still sleeping it off but now he’s purple.” ~ another legal example, didn’t actually happen to my homeboy

“The judge demands to know why I’m not paying attention, ‘you aren’t event taking notes, you’re drawing’ I say ‘I doodle when I pay attention.’“ ~ Telling us a story about how he doodles in court, so we’re allowed to fuck around in his class all we want, he understands that people do different things with their hands while to help focus.

“There are special courts that try lawyers and they’re all mean.  They’re just mean people.  You don’t want to go in front of them.” ~ Talking about Lawyer Court, followed this up by saying they’re lawyers too so they won’t listen to lawyer bullshit.

He has a lot more quotes that’s just his comments today (minus the last three.)  He also taught me that lawyers have a monthly and weekly magazine, and every time you get the magazine you flip to the pages about who’s been fired, suspended, etc, and if you know one of the people in trouble???  

You call them up and go “Jeremy what the hell did you do you moron?”

oh shit and I forgot how on the first day of class he told us we were gonna use the Blue Book to learn how to do “really sexy citations”